How many times do I have to tell myself “fake it till you make it” or “confidence is key” before I realize that confidence truly does hold a lot of power in life?
I’ve had this idea in my head that in order to be confident and successful in my eyes and the eyes of others, I have to reach a certain level of perfection so that I can justify feeling proud of myself and feeling accepted. I’m not really sure where this stemmed from. It’s something I’ve struggled with for years now. I think that it started in the late years of elementary, and then slowly progressed into high school, and then college, and so on. It’s always something I can’t quite pinpoint where it all began.
Although confidence holds a lot of power over us…I do feel like we need to understand that this doesn’t mean that we need to be perfect. I feel that a lot of my anxiety stemmed from these unrealistic expectations of myself. Don’t get me wrong. Expectations are important when it comes to many things in life. Whether it’s your career, your relationships, your lifestyle, etc. I know that some of these expectations were there to protect me and to guide me, especially with the whole relationship aspect of life. I grew to learn what I wanted and needed in a relationship. Whether it was with friends or with a significant other. Overall, I believe they help us maintain an understanding of what we want and need from something or someone, and they assist in developing healthy boundaries. What I’m trying to get at is that it can become very detrimental when we start raising the bar a little too high where it can be unreached. Liiike I am 5’ 5” and I swear sometimes that bar raises up to a solid 6’ 6”. How will I ever reach that? There are only so many things I can do to reach that high. So, I have to compromise and check myself back into reality before I get discouraged and before I start beating myself up about it. Compromising with yourself is completely okay and it is probably a lot healthier for you as well. It’s important to set boundaries between you and you, just like it’s important to set boundaries with everyone else.
If I’m being completely honest, it can be extremely exhausting to live with my brain at times. I mean…I know we need them and like they’re pretty important for our existence I guess but damn. Some day’s it just feels so impossible to live with it. Honestly, the expectations I’ve placed on myself and in my life have played a key role in helping me set my own boundaries and grow a backbone. There are times where these expectations and boundaries have been very helpful, but there have also been times where they have left me feeling a little empty inside. Some day’s they make me feel like I haven’t done enough or I need to do everything all at once in order to feel good about myself. This unrealistic expectation 100% negatively impacts the way I see myself, and honestly that's not healthy at all. This could legit be because I didn't finish the laundry in one day or I didn't do everything on my "to-do" list for the day. It is just so unreasonable to put myself through that. I find that a lot of people I have talked to in the past have experienced this or something similar as well, and It honestly just sucks how much we rely on being busy to make us feel good about ourselves. We should just be able to feel good about ourselves for getting through a new day and for doing the best we can do each day.
I believe it’s important for us to learn the difference between confidence and perfection sooner rather than later. I know it doesn’t always happen like that, but I still stand by my belief. We truly need to get it through our heads that no one will and ever will be perfect. I truly don’t believe we were “built” for that. I feel that the idea of perfection is just so broad to begin with. It means all different things for all different people, and it really does rely on what we each believe perfection is. What it looks like for me is probably not the same way it looks like for you. I believe that there is a big misconception between confidence and perfection. At the end of the day, we are all human. Personally, I don’t believe we can really have perfection along with confidence, because the idea of needing to be perfect would end up weighing us down so that we’re unable to build up our self-confidence.
With all of that being said, unfortunately, there is no set way on how to become more confident. Life would definitely be a lot easier if we had a step-by-step process on how to channel our inner self-esteem and self-confidence. However, I do feel that would take away a lot of the learning and growth we have to do in order to reach our most authentic selves. All of the lessons and experiences we have along our journey to becoming more confident and certain of ourselves is what makes life that much more special. I know that without the hard lessons and experiences I’ve had so far, I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am today. I may still struggle with my self-image and -confidence, but I know for a fact that I have come a very long way.
If you are finding it difficult to build up your own personal confidence...here are some ideas or examples that may help you on your journey:
o Pay close attention to the narrative in your head. What are you saying to yourself? How are you speaking to yourself? It is important to speak to yourself with love, acceptance, and respect. You will not be able to make those big strides in your life if you’re weighing yourself down with negative self-talk.
o Find an understanding of your wants and needs in this moment and perhaps for your future as well. Hold yourself accountable and ask yourself, “What do I truly want for ME?”
o Find your strengths and be compassionate towards your weaknesses. Make sure to concentrate on the things you’re good at and to acknowledge the things you’re not too great at. Like I covered above…you will never be perfect. So, pleeease do your best to focus on the things you excel at.
o Try your best to stop doubting yourself. Be sure in what you want and what you need. It is important to eliminate “What If’s” in order to create space for what can be.
o Eliminate the idea that you need to be perfect. We cannot evolve with both perfection and confidence. I can promise you that finding your own confidence is way more worth-while than trying to be perfect for the rest of your life.
o Stop the comparisons. The less time you focus on comparing yourself to others or your situation to another, the more time you have to focus on you. This time could be spent focusing on reaching your goals, and learning how to cope with all that life throws at you.
These are a few ways you can begin to work on your level of confidence and the way you present yourself. It is so important to lead your life with confidence and to learn what that looks like for you. The days, months, and years go by so quickly. I just want you guys to know that you are so, so capable of becoming your truest and most authentic selves if you just learn how to ditch those negative habits that weigh you down (Honestly, I will admit that I need to take my own personal advice with this one as well). I believe in every single one of you, and I know y’all can do great things.
“Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered—just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” – Barrie Davenport
Happy Tuesday everyone! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy the rest of your week. xx